Monday, October 20, 2014

Beautiful You: A Novel

Beautiful You: A Novel
Chuck Palahniuk

Published October 21st, 2014

First Sentence
"Even as Penny was attacked, the judge merely stared. "

Publisher's Description:

"A billion husbands are about to be replaced."

From the author of Fight Club, the classic portrait of the damaged contemporary male psyche, now comes this novel about the apocalyptic marketing possibilities of female pleasure. Sisters will be doing it for themselves. And doing it. And doing it. And doing it some more . . . Penny Harrigan is a low-level associate in a big Manhattan law firm with an apartment in Queens and no love life at all. So it comes as a great shock when she finds herself invited to dinner by one C. Linus Maxwell, aka "Climax-Well," a software mega-billionaire and lover of the most gorgeous and accomplished women on earth. After dining at Manhattan's most exclusive restaurant, he whisks Penny off to a hotel suite in Paris, where he proceeds, notebook in hand, to bring her to previously undreamed-of heights of orgasmic pleasure for days on end. What's not to like? This: Penny discovers that she is a test subject for the final development of a line of sex toys to be marketed in a nationwide chain of boutiques called Beautiful You. So potent and effective are these devices that women by the millions line up outside the stores on opening day and then lock themselves in their room with them and stop coming out. Except for batteries. Maxwell's plan for erotically enabled world domination must be stopped. But how?

Dear Reader,

Reviewing this is going to be HARD, really HARD, super rock HARD, throbbing rock HARD. Blushing yet? You will be after you read this. All you folks who read "Fifty Shades" and thought it was "so naughty" better not pick this book up... you might DIE from the lack of constraint Palahniuk uses. Just like all of Chuck's books, this should have warning labels slapped all over it. As the saying goes... if you don't have the stomach for it, get out of the kitchen?!? (Okay, that might not be the exact saying, but it works). 

Right away, reading the description, we know this book is centered around sex, sex, more sex and sex toys. Nobody should be reviewing this book in shock about the subject matter, clearly if they do... they don't know Chuck very well. I almost want to say this book was made as a response to those who thought "Fifty Shades" so taboo (because it sure seemed like a complete farce of that book) but I think the intention was only to brushed upon it. This book is in NO way a better written copy but Palahniuk does include quite a few hysterical jabs here and there. Suck it, E.L. James! (which is what I imagine Chuck saying while writing this book). A friend of mine, Shane T. French (amazing/talented and up-and-coming graphic novel/comic writer), has brought it to my attention that Chuck Palahniuk waited until his parents died in order to write and publish this book. Nice little fact, one that gives you a better idea of what you'd be faced reading if you pick this one up.

Beautiful You might not have my favorite plot line in the Palahniuk collection, but I do think he has used his super power to bring his fans what we've wanted. Penny (such a classic and innocent name) finds herself tangled with a billionaire (cough, cough, fifty shades of PLOT line anyone?), where he proposes to pleasure her with all his newest techy toys, giving her the highest amount of pleasure imaginable. Little does Penny know, there is a plan in place to use these sex toys for his own evil plans. Beautiful You has sex, crime, danger, espionage, adventure, exotic travel, addiction, shall I go on? Who wouldn't want to read a book like that? If this review had a little too much shock for you, don't bother reading this. Palahniuk has his following and I'm always riding up front, salivating at the mouth for his next masterpiece. You don't have to like this book. However, I do. Pass the lube, because this book is like the biggest slip and slide you have ever seen.

Happy Reading,

P.S. - Guess who has tickets to see Palahniuk in Brooklyn, NY on HALLOWEEN? Yep, both Arianna and I do. Stay tuned for that event post (as long as I can sit still enough to take notes).

Beautiful You: A Novel

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Left: Hardcover -- Right: EBook


  1. Wow, thanks for explaining what the book is like because I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to read it. I like Palahniuk's style of writing, but not always what he writes about. Can't wait to hear about your NYC trip!

  2. Yes, this one is sooo far out there. It definitely wasn't a favorite but I'm still impressed by his guts to go to these lengths. Anyways, super excited for next weekend.


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